A Marriage Narrative

My leadership style has always been somewhat intolerant of what I don't ascribe to. In fact many believe that I'm always right...they tell me so. "Joshua, you're always right?!" There was something I knew when I was younger and practiced, but I didn't know why and so like the verse of the man in the mirror, who peers at his face, but then forgets it as soon as he turns away, I fell away from the reasons I chose to lead my family.

When I was younger I ruled very firmly, but my only reasoning was based on not wanting the marriage that my parents had, where my mother ruled when she was angry and my father ruled when my mother made it clear to him, she could make his life miserable. But, I married a woman just like my mother. Quiet on the outside but when we get home, she can be a voracious, loud, un-submissive woman. So, not knowing how or why to lead as a man, left me ill-prepared to take on a woman like my wife. I fancy the idea that an opposite woman of my wife would have left me less troubled, but I expect should would have left...just left.

So leadership is the opposite of most women think, and what most men think. In fact, leadership is accomplished through the submission of your life to Jesus Christ. When I was 23, Christ brought me to my knees financially and in my marriage. I'd had it with my wife, and for 100 reasons you would all agree with me. All of my life I was taught that divorce was bad an unacceptable. And for the first time, I was considering it realistically. We were amidst counseling and I was reading the Bible heavily. Especially 2 Peter and Timothy. It hit me. I'd read that verse that we all know, all prior iterations to none effect. This time it sank in.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, even unto death, death on a cross. Wives submit yourselves to your husbands.

It snapped into place. There are theological concepts in play here that you must understand. Christ is the Groom. When his church is reunited with him, he is described as the bride-groom and we are the bride. This description has a lasting and purposeful meaning. There is a chain that connects men and women in marriage, just as we are connected through Christ. So when we carry this meaning to our earthly marriages we realize that Men submit themselves to the authority of God, through Jesus Christ, and through that the gain a spiritual authority given to you by God. Women are commanded to submit themselves to their husbands for a multitude of reasons but mostly because it is the love of their spiritual leader, who is their husband that covers them. Women are also the help mate. They are the lesser being, in stature, strength, and responsibility. Men maintain the responsibility of their families before God, women do not.

So when you pull all this together, you realize as I did, that first, submitting to Christ, as his bride, enables me to love perfectly. Because I'm better? NO!

Because you realize as I did, that Christ accepts me. Awful, putrid in nature, seeking evil at every turn, desiring only selfish things, and worthless...he accepted me. At this point, you arrive at the conclusion that love is not something you do, not something you are, but something that is accomplished by the will of God. It is only by realizing that Jesus accepts you, that you can understand love. Jesus accepts us, as we are with only a single requirement. Submit. This was hugely encouraging to me, because there were many things I hated and was bitter about my wife. But when I learned that Christ accepted me even despite my awful nature, I learned what true love is. Then in passing that on to my wife, my marriage was all new. Because true love does not hold contempt, or keep a record; perfect love, loves perfectly through the power and will of God.

Women! This is why it is so critical that you submit yourselves to your husbands. If you cannot submit yourself to your husband, how can you claim that you submit to Christ?!

Submission is not subservience; it's full, unadulterated, admiration and respect for the designs and vision of your husband. You don't have to agree in order to have harmony, but you must respect the leadership. The love of husbands will cover the contention that may arise.

I've covered 60 miles of life travels in a couple of sentences, but the truth is, harmony can be achieved when men lead. I say that first, because a woman cannot submit to leadership that does not exist. So men, lead your wives, by setting the example, hating and extinguishing false prophecy, killing the sin and divisions that would create separation in your family. You are the watchdog. You do not let the robber in. You kill him. So men, 99% of the happiness in the marriage depends on you. I didn't like hearing that...but I was so deep into my own problems, adding the responsibility that I rightfully owned seemed rude to say the least. However, had I approached it the right way the first time, I would have never been where I was.

So, finally, I say this. Men, pick a direction, focus on God and kill the robber that will come in and steal you blind. Women, submit yourself to your husband, with your eyes fixed on Christ and I can promise true harmony in marriage. I'm a living example.